Tess Says Things Sometimes

“I’m not a bad person, just kind of bitchy.”

-Tess, on personality flaws

“I hold grudges like a fothermucker. Seriously, I am an elephant.”

-Tess, on holding grudges 

“Oh my GOD this song is pure SEX. I can hear it with my ovaries.”

-Tess, on very good music

“In the northeast, we don’t even NEED candy! All we need is warmth!”

-Tess, on the temperatures in the northeast and their craziness.

“I worship at the altar of Eric Whitacre.”

-Tess, on the god whose name is Eric Whitacre

“We’re not a show!”
“Honey, if I slapped some feathers on you and threw some glitter, you’d take Vegas by storm!”

-Tess, on a dear friend’s overenthusiastic bromance

(photo credit: http://www.johnbarrowman.com)  

I am so incredibly sorry about the enormous hiatus, guys. Doing multiple shows at once does that to you.

However, the blog should be up and running again, and you should have plenty of hilarious quotes to entertain you!

“I will BURST through my barriers and emerge as a beautiful slut-blossom!”

-Tess, on becoming a slut-blossom

“Oh Brian, unzip me harder.”

-Tess, making conversations as awkward as possible

(She WAS referring to her shoes, for all of you sickos out there who thought otherwise.)

• Question: is this your secret blog? - Anonymous
• Answer:

  This isn’t a secret blog at all.